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Torontonian Man Sues Golf For False Advertising

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A Torontonian man is filing a suit against golf. The claimant is harshly offended by the false advertising the sport provides to the public and is determined to get at least 300 billion dollars as compensation. Asked where he came up with that ridiculous sum, Ben Jones, who will take golf to court, pointed at the Forbes’ Richest People In The World ranking. He hesitantly admits that his fortune teller told him that he would become the wealthiest person in the world, so he has no doubt that he will win the lawsuit.

“No, I never played golf. Who do you think I am? I find that offensive, and I’ll sue you too after I’m done with golf,” said the obviously annoyed Ben Jones. He explained that he was first offended by the game when he learned how much money pro-golfers make. “12.5 million for hitting a ball with a stick? Who gives them this money, and why don’t I get a cut,” raged the middle-aged man.

Interestingly the man is not suing a particular golf club, the PGA of Canada, but the game itself. So it’s still not clear who precisely the defendant would be, but Jones is absolutely certain he would win.

Jones explained that everything in the game was false advertising. “They talk about tea boxes, but they don’t serve tea there. They just hit a ball with a stick and drive around in their fancy baby cars. Someone constantly mentions the green, but the whole damn field is green. I am not colourblind. They talk about birdies, eagles, and other avian creatures, yet i don’t see any on the golf course. I hoped that at the end of my 4 hours on the golf course, they released a Tiger to chase the players, but alas, there was no such excitement either.”

Jones explains that the whole terminology is misleading, and he couldn’t stand such injustices, so he will lead this battle in court, hoping that the game will change its lingo.

Local golf enthusiasts are not particularly entertained by the man’s outburst and are still looking forward to their tee time with the Golfather.. “I can’t comment on stupidity,” one of them said as he was cleaning his golf clubs.

On the other hand, The Golfather managers are adamant that if Mr. Jones wants to try out the game, they will gladly get a tiger to chase him away at the end. They can even throw an eagle and an albatross to constantly pick on his head if that’s how he imagines having a good time should look like. For everyone else, The Golfather offers one an offer no one can refuse.

 

*This article is for entertainment purposes only.

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